Sheldon Cooper, PI
by mariteri
Summary: <html><head></head>Penny is the trusted employee and bodyguard to the world's most exclusive private eye-Sheldon Cooper. A.U. Rated T for language and sexual innuendo. SHENNY! (Psss...that means if you don't like Shenny, don't read this)</html>
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer—I do not own The Big Bang Theory or any of its characters. Nor do I make any money from the posting of this fanfiction.**

**Hello everyone! This is another reposting of one of my stories from another site. Let me know how you like it!**

**Please read and review!**

**…**

**Chapter One**

Working for the foremost detective in the world (his claim, not mine) had its benefits—pay was never one of them. My name is Penny and I work for Sheldon Lee Cooper, Ph.D., the youngest Stevenson Award winner, the man with 187 I.Q. and, oddly enough, the world's most exclusive private eye. Typically, I'm an out of work actress that puts in hours at the Cheesecake Factory as a waitress. Some would call it paying my dues. I call it as I see it—a major pain as none of my work tended to pay well enough for the basics, never mind buying shoes.

I was coming home when I heard it. There was a woman crying coming from Sheldon and Leonard's apartment. This didn't bode well, as Sheldon usually had me kick out the criers and Leonard was too busy trying to comfort or get a date with them. Sighing hard, I tossed my things in my place and went over to their apartment. Walking in I saw Sheldon twitching and looking like he was about to pass out, as he was attempting to scuttle away from the woman who kept crying and circling around to get a hug from the man. Sheldon doesn't do hugs—Ever—Unless you're his Meemaw, but that's a story for a different day.

"Penny!" he exclaimed, looking over to me. "Get this-this hysterical female away from me!"

The woman looked over to me in shock.

"Stop the acting, sister," I told her. "Between the menthol smell coming off of you and the fact that you're wearing waterproof mascara, I can tell that you're faking the tears." She glared at me, making me laugh. "Hit the road. Whatever it is you're selling, we aren't buying." Spinning around, she left the apartment, slamming the door behind her. Looking over to a now more relieved looking Sheldon, I asked, "Client?"

"Grad-student," he muttered, straightening out his Flash T-shirt. "It would seem Leslie Winkle let it be known that I have done work as a detective in a private capacity. That was the third grad-student today that's attempted to hire me under false pretences!"

"Have you ever thought that we could move to a bigger place?" I asked, walking over to the fridge and pulling out a Diet Coke for both of us. "One with a working elevator would be nice."

He only looked at me flatly, but said nothing.

I handed him his drink, saying, "I know that has nothing to do with what you were talking about. But if we got a bigger place that would mean that you would be required to get more jobs as a private investigator. And seeing as I am your employee and need to get paid sometime this year that would be so great!"

"Overdue water bill?"

"Yeah," I muttered, knowing that he would more than likely have figured that out before I even mentioned the need for money. After all, I was wearing a new pair of shoes when I wasn't in my awful work clothes. "Speaking of which, can I use your bathroom? I need to take a shower and change out of this grubby work gear."

"Yes, by all means do," he told me in a resigned voice. "I wouldn't want our new 'client' to be put off by the smell of sweat laden cheesecake." He had used air quotes, making me wonder all the more about what was going to be happening.

Knowing I would either be told or figure it out eventually, I got a change of clothing and went back over. Cleaning up after I was done, as I didn't want another lecture about the cleanliness being next to his mother's God's godliness, I went out in time to see Leonard, Raj, and Howard joining us. Wow, I thought, either the case was huge or…

"Halo night," Leonard announced, handing me my Chinese food.

"When is the client going to get here?" That had the others freezing and looking over to Sheldon, who hadn't made a move on the food as of yet.

"You told us that you wouldn't tell anyone!" Howard exclaimed.

"Penny isn't just anyone!" Sheldon snapped at him. "She is my agent, working on my behalf as both a fact gatherer and as a personal body guard for those occasions that call for it."

"In other words, I'm his underpaid staff of one," I said dryly. "Get over it." I looked over to Raj. "What's the deal?" He only flicked a look over to Leonard who shrugged and then he in turn shrugged as well. "Okay, Howard, what's the deal? Why hire Sheldon? And you do realize that he makes people pay through the nose, don't you?"

"I thought you wanted us to have more clients," Sheldon murmured, looking confused as to my words to Howard.

"Consider me the warning label on the lunacy that is your pricing," I told him. "Given that he's not your usual type of client, he deserved at least that much of a heads up." Sheldon thought that over, giving a terse nod in acceptance of this. Looking back over to Howard, I found him blushing as he was picking at his food. "Okay, what's your story?"

All our clients had stories. Some could make you cry and others just made you sick—somehow I knew his story would make me do both. That's just the type of guy Howard could be, I suppose.

"I met a dame…"

"Dame? Who uses that word anymore?" Leonard asked of no one in particular.

"Apparently he does," I said dryly. "Now zip it so we can hear his story."

"Like I said, I met a dame…"

...

_…__It was on a Tuesday night, so you know what that means. It was Cheesecake Factory night. I was in the mood for something different, something, dare I say, not kosher. Looking up from the menu that's when I saw her. Blond bouncing curls, ready smile, and a rack that just…_

("You will earn yourself a strike if you keep that up!" Sheldon announced. "Stick to the facts!")

_She came over and was about to take our order when Penny showed up, telling her that this was her table. She walked off, looking forlornly at me as she went…_

(Snorting, I muttered, "As if.")

_…__Shortly there after, I went off to the restroom. It was on my way back that I ran across her again. She smiled at me and then she spoke._

_ "__Hi, my name is Bernadette." She had the voice of an angel._

("Howard, she has a high pitched voice that makes dogs weep in pain!" I replied. "She may have some very great qualities, but the voice of an angel isn't one of them.")

_I introduced myself. Told her that I worked for JPL and that I was working on some pretty heavy stuff…_

("You're working on a space toilet, dude," Raj said, entering the conversation for the first time as he had already downed half a beer. "About the only heavy stuff you'll have to deal with is…"

"Will you guys please stop interrupting me!" Howard snapped.

"I'm giving you a strike, Howard," Sheldon told him. "Get to the point. We don't have all the time in the world and it's Halo night!")

_I went back to the table and didn't see her again until the end of the meal. She gave me her number and told me to call anytime. I did so five minutes later just to make sure I had the right number and to double check what anytime meant. After making certain that it was Bernadette and not some random person that she copied the number of to pass it along to me as some sort of sick joke, she assured me that it was her and that anytime meant any time at all. Especially during the hours of ten and one in the morning on Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays when she got paid for answering certain types of phone calls from discreet…_

("She's a phone sex operator?" I demanded. "You expect us to believe that? Given that I know that her mom is more Catholic than the Pope?"

"It's what she told me!" he exclaimed. "She doesn't like doing it, but she has bills to pay just like anybody else, you know!"

A chill went through me as to what kind of man would want a woman with such a child like voice to talk dirty to them. Yuck. I just didn't want to go there.)

_We got to talking, even went out a few times. I thought it was love or at least a good case of lust, both worked for me. I wanted to impress her so I brought her over to Caltech to show her my enormous…_

("E-ew! Howard!" I snapped at him. "Sheldon, make him stop with the double what-cha-ma-call-its would you!"

"That's double entendres, Penny," Sheldon answered in his lecture voice only to change it to sound disgusted when he added, "Howard, your lab isn't that big. You don't even have a Ph.D.."

"That's not the point," I told him. "He was using it as…" I leaned closer and whispered to him what Howard was doing.

"Oh," he breathed. "That makes more sense." He looked to Howard. "That's your second strike. Get another strike at your own peril. Not only will you be ordered to attend a lecture series on polite conversation, but I'll turn down your case.")

_…__Like I said, I took her to my lab to show her around. And I thought she had liked it. I mean what wasn't there to like? I ended up pretty much spending the day with her, showing her around the campus. It was a lot of fun, more than I had in a long time. Anyway, I went back to the lab and it was missing!_

...

"What?" Leonard, Raj and I all asked at once.

"The new flushing mechanism for the space station toilet!"

"Really?" Leonard asked. "Is that all? How hard can that be to replace?"

"Uh, it's worth three million dollars," Howard announced, making me nearly choke on my Diet Coke. Just the thought of how many pairs of shoes that could get me had me seeing stars.

"And I take it if you cannot find this flushing device, you are going to be held responsible for the money that will buy the replacement?" Sheldon asked in a thoughtful voice. "Penny, fetch me a Yahoo and then go talk to that young woman, Bernadette. I want to know how she's involved."

Glaring at him, I said, "You're only sending me now so that I don't whip your butt in Halo again."

When he glared at me with his eye twitching, I knew I was right. I should have known that twitchy Texan would find a way to get me out of playing against him. He so owes me.

**TBC…**

**…**

**And that's the first chapter. Review and let me know what you think. Have a great day everyone!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer—I do not own The Big Bang Theory or any of its characters. Nor do I make any money from the posting of this fanfiction.**

**Here's the next chapter! What do you think of it? Go on. Tell me. What was that? I can't hear you! Please review. :)**

…

**Chapter Two**

One of the last places I wanted to go was the Cheesecake Factory, but seeing as that's where Bernadette was I didn't have a choice. Turning off the car, I was reminded yet again that the check engine light was still on. Buying a new car wasn't an option. At least Sheldon wasn't there to remind me yet again of that warning light. I swear if I could, I would muzzle him for car rides. It would make the ride nicer for me if nothing else.

I went into the restaurant and quickly found out that Bernadette was on her break. Finding her wasn't the problem. Problem was, she wasn't alone. Pulling out my cell phone, I took pictures of her and the badly dressed man she was talking with. From the look of him, I reasoned he was another geek. Having been around them and getting more than my fair share of time observing them in their native habitat, I've become pretty good at spotting them out.

Not only was this guy a geek, he was a pissed off one.

"Where es the fwusher, Bernie?" And he had a really bad speech impediment. Knowing I'd never be able to decipher what the man was saying, I began recording him on my cell phone.

I crept closer, getting the whole conversation as best as I could on my phone. Before I knew it, he was taking off. I hid off in the unused service station for the empty section they had been arguing. Going over to Bernadette I found her crying. Sighing heavily, I got her a cloth napkin and I took it over to her. She sobbed into it, hiccupping every now and again.

"I got myself into something bad," she said, her child like voice giving her an air of innocence that was automatically removed with her next words of, "Even worse than the phone sex business! But I can't make enough money to pay off my student loans! I had to do something…" She began sobbing again and I knew I had no other choice but to take her to see Sheldon. He wouldn't like it, in fact he would hate it, but chances were he could snap her out of this better than I could. I was, after all, only the muscle in this odd tag team of ours.

I had her go home early, claiming that she was sick. They let her off right away. It was late enough so that they could do it. And last thing they needed was a sick waitress passing on whatever illness that they had to the customers. She protested, but I told her that I had ice cream and booze where I was taking her. Bernadette went quietly after that.

"They came to me," she simpered. "Told me that they knew I was in bad debt with my student loans. They even mentioned how they knew I was in the phone sex business." Sniffling she breathed, "If my mother ever finds out…" Sighing heavily, she said, "Have you ever seen a pissed off overprotective Catholic mother who just found out that one of her children went wrong? Trust me, it's bad."

"And helping steal an expensive space flusher isn't?" I inquired.

Gasping she asked, "You know about that, Penny?"

I looked into my rearview mirror, spotting a car following us two car lengths back. "Yep," I answered, popping the 'p' at the end of the word. "Why would anyone want to steal something like that? It's not like it can be used here on planet earth. It's made for space, right?"

"Yeah, I know. I didn't get it either."

"And yeah, it's expensive as all get out," I replied. "But again, it's not like there are people out there waiting in line to purchase them."

"Howie…"

"Howie?" I asked, sounding shocked that anyone, let alone a woman, wanted to come up with a nickname for him.

"Yeah, it's just my little name for him," she said, blushing.

She actually liked that little pervert. Go figure.

"Howie told me that there were a bunch of different big bids for the new part," she told me.

"Hmm, seeing as he got the job, chances are he underbid them for it," I speculated. "And that can make people a little grumpy."

"Oh you can say that again!" That's when she noticed how I kept looking behind us. "What are you looking at?"

"There's a person following us," I told her. "Hold on tight!" I made a quick and very illegal u-turn.

I lost our tail and managed to get us over to the apartment building. I rushed her into the apartment and up the stairs as fast as I could.

"Why bring me here?" she asked.

"There's someone you have to talk to," I said. "Now get a move on! He goes to bed at a ridiculous hour and I still have enough time to beat him at one game of Halo."

We stepped into 4A and Bernadette went straight over to Howard. They went off to the side hugging and she started weeping again. Rolling my eyes I went over to a sour faced Sheldon, pulling out my phone.

I showed him the pictures as well as the video I took of the argument.

"Krypke," he muttered. "I should have known that low life Barry Krypke was involved in this somehow."

"Could you make out what he said?" I inquired softly.

"Yes, in deed I did," he replied.

"Well, I'm glad one of us could." Pausing I added, "We were being followed." He turned his head slightly. "I got us out of it and lost them, but this can't be good."

"Hmm, yes," he murmured. "Not good. Leonard!" He came over and joined us. "Go onto your computer and link up with the camcorder you planted on Penny's vehicle…"

"What?!" I snapped. "You can't give me a raise, but you can put a…"

"Please, Penelope! No dramatics!" He went back to instructing Leonard. "Look at the recording and let me know the license plate of the car following them." Sheldon looked back to me, stating, "A digital recorder in your car is a sound investment seeing as your memory is less than perfect."

"Okay," Leonard announced. "We have the digital recording." He flushed, looking over to Sheldon. "But we have a little problem…" We both went over and saw that the recording was of me and Bernadette. But really, mostly of me. Sheldon and I looked back over to him. "Uh, you didn't say where you wanted the camera pointed and you just gave me the one…"

"May I?" I inquired of the brilliant physicist next to me. "I've always wanted to say it and right now is like the only time I can with it being true."

"As you would say, 'Go for it'," Sheldon told me using air quotes around what I would have said.

I turned to Leonard and snapped, "You idiot!"

"Am not!" Leonard yelled back at me.

"Really?" Sheldon's Texas twang was coming out in full along with his ire. "Leonard, why would I want any sort of recording of Penelope driving her car? We all know how she drives like a maniac in a car that should have been fixed or discarded ages ago. We've all seen it! We need to know what she sees and record it for me to view. And that, my comrade, is what makes you an idiot at this time."

"I just thought you would like to see video of her singing along with the radio or how the wind plays with her hair…" he said, looking dreamily at me as he said so.

"Oh my lord, why can't the boy just stop trying to find his self worth between a girl's thighs!" Sheldon muttered to himself.

"Tell me about it," I commented, walking away. "And just for your information, Doc, the plate said, NEROPHD." He blinked at me. "It was a vanity plate. Next time just ask." Looking around I saw that Bernadette and Howard were gone. "What happened? Where are they, Raj?"

"They left," he said casually. "Said something about wanting to catch up."

Looking over to Sheldon, I saw him rolling his eyes in irritation. "I knew I was going to regret taking this case. The things I do for friends." Looking at me he announced. "I'm off to bed."

"Instructions?" I called to him as he went to the hall to his bedroom.

"Chances are that Howard has been abducted by this point—that's his kind of luck," he said casually. "Fresh and early tomorrow morning at eight…"

"Eleven," I corrected him.

"Eleven," he said tightly. "You will hunt them both down and bring them back to me at Caltech."

"What if Howard hasn't been abducted?"

"Trust me," he stated. "He's like that girl on Scooby Doo who's the hostage all the time. He's been abducted. It's a given. But if it means a thing, I doubt they'll kill either of them."

"Why are you so sure?" I pressed, walking over to him. "Right now they could be torturing them!"

"I said they wouldn't kill them, not that they wouldn't torture them!" He stepped into his room. "Tomorrow is soon enough for you to go looking for them."

"You owe me a game of Halo," I reminded him.

"So you say," he muttered.

"Whatever," I replied and finished with, "It's too early to hit the hay. I'm off to play Age of Conan." His door paused at that, even as I was walking away towards the front door of the apartment "Queen Penelope is outta here! G'night, Sheldor!"

It was on my way out the door that I could have sworn I heard him murmur, "Good night, my queen."

I ended up playing Age of Conan for only an hour. I could have played for longer, but I saw that Sheldon was online as well. He needed his rest, I reasoned. As did I, I thought wryly. I was going on a hunt for Howard and Bernadette. To say I wasn't looking forward to it was an understatement. In truth I don't know which bothered me more—the thought of either one of them being tortured or if they were and the people doing the torture were to find out that they had no information…Well, that would make them worthless in their captor's eyes, wouldn't it? Sighing I went over to the bottle of wine on the fridge in the hopes of just not going to that bad place in my head where I could imagine all the bad things happening for once.

The wine didn't help with the images in my head, but at least it got me to sleep.

**TBC…**

**…**

**And the next chapter is away. Thanks for reading and please if you could, take the time to review. I look forward to hearing from you all. Have a sparkly day!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer—I do not own The Big Bang Theory or any of its characters. Nor do I make any money from the posting of this fanfiction.**

**Hello! Hope all of you are doing well. A big old thank you goes out to everyone that's taken the time to read, follow, and favorite! Thanks for taking time out of your busy life to read my story. It means a lot.**

**Please read, enjoy at your leisure, and review!**

**…**

**Chapter Three**

Knock, knock, knock! "Penny!" Head hurts.

Knock, knock, knock! "Penny!" It's too bright!

Knock, knock, knock! "Penny!" I reached out and pulled my alarm clock to my face. It was only seven in the morning! Oh he is in for it!

Groaning I went stumbling to the door, swinging it open to see Sheldon holding out the morning paper to me even as he was doing his best impression of a turtle to protect his neck.

Growling I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pulling his head down, "You wake me up before eight in the morning, you better bring me more than a fucking newspaper!"

"Look!" he demanded, shoving it into my hands.

Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I looked down and was shocked to see that Barry Krypke was in the hospital after a brutal attack. Worrying my lower lip, I looked over to a fretting Sheldon.

"They don't know if he'll make it," he muttered. "We need to know what's in that head of his!"

"Could be a trap," I told him. "To see who shows up to do him in."

"We'll have to take that chance!" he declared. "Get dressed, we're going to that hospital!"

"Go get me a coffee with milk in a travel mug while I get dressed," I sighed, resigned that he wouldn't stop his Sheldony ways anytime soon—least of all for my hangover.

I downed a pint of water off and on while I got ready for the day ahead. As soon as I was set and out the door, Sheldon handed me a bottle of water and two pain pills.

"This will work better than the coffee," he said quietly.

"Right," I said, popping the pills into my mouth and chugging the water. Tossing the bottle into a trash can, I said, "We are so stopping for Starbucks after the hospital and you're paying."

We arrived at Huntington Memorial Hospital at a little after half past seven. Miracle of all miracles, I found a parking place on the street. We walked over and quickly found that there were reporters attempting to get in to interview the victim, namely Barry Krypke.

"Stand behind the visitor's desk, read the names that come up for the different visitors coming in for passes," I told him. "We need to see someone within the same unit. Probably intensive care."

"Sounds about right," he said quietly. "I can…"

"No," I ordered him. "Remember what happened the last time you tried to hack into a hospital's database?"

He shivered with the memory. "Okay. I'll just get a name."

The man is a genius. Certified not to be a nut by his own mother and yet the very moment he's put into stressful situations, like the one that we were in, he would more than likely give up his life story and then some just out of nerves alone. He came back over with several different names of people that were in the intensive care ward. I took one of them and went over to the visitor's desk.

"Two to visit Mr. Powell," I told her.

"Just the two of you?" The friendly woman asked, to which I nodded.

She handed us the passes and we went on our way. Sheldon spent most of his time trying as he might to get the badge perfectly straight. This went on for what felt like forever. Finally I took it from him and slapped it on.

"It doesn't matter!" I exclaimed.

Stepping off the elevator, one couldn't help but to feel the police presence there. The cops were everywhere. We went looking for Barry for what felt like hours and all while under a microscope.

"Pst, Penny," Sheldon whispered. "I think I…"

"Just take me there," I told him under my breath wrapping my arm around his.

We stepped into the room, only to discover that there were more cops there than there were outside!

"Oh! So sorry," I blurted out, looking embarrassed. "Wrong room!"

We got out of the room, leaving the floor. Leaning back against the elevator wall, Sheldon asked, "Did you see the set up?"

"The surveillance? Hard not to," I murmured. "What do you think it means?"

"Given that we saw no sign of Krypke on any of those monitors, I would have to surmise that he is either in another location or dead," he reasoned. "Neither one of those answers getting us what we need." Yanking the nametag off while he was in thought, he added, "We need to know what he was up to."

"Which means?"

"We have to talk to someone that would pay close attention to projects not their own," he said softly, face going rigid with the one name that came to his mind. "Leslie Winkle."

...

Out of all the persons he could have picked to interrogate, he couldn't have chosen a more difficult one. A hard, intelligent woman, Leslie Winkle has hated Sheldon for more reasons than even I could come up with. The feeling was returned on his part in full, as he doesn't think that she pays him the respect he's due or even owed.

And it doesn't help that she refers to him constantly as "Dumbass" either, I'm sure. That's not to say that I liked her any better than he does.

"Oh look it's Barbie! What are you doing today?" she asked, looking me over and snorting, "Hangover Barbie it is."

"Where did you learn your charm?" I asked her. "Via a mail away certificate program?"

"Ouch!" she said in an exaggerated way, looking over to Sheldon. "Hey, Dumbass. What do you want?"

"I need to know what Krypke was up to," he told her.

She went still for a moment, but went back to work. "What makes you think I know anything about that jerk?"

"You make it a point to know what's going on in every lab," he pointed out to her. "Why play catch up with what's going on when you can be ahead, isn't that right, Leslie?"

Rolling her eyes she said, "So okay, I may know a bit of what he was doing. But why should I tell you? It's not like I gain anything by doing so." She smiled. "And it pisses you off too. For me that's what I call a 'win-win'." And of course just to get that dig in all the more, she used air quotes.

"You don't get it, do you?" I asked.

"Get what?" she inquired, looking to the two of us.

"Whatever Barry Krypke was up to will have the cops going through everyone's business," Sheldon told her. "Interrupting schedules, lab times, time sensitive experiments…"

She cursed to herself. "Okay. I get it." Taking a deep breath, she said, "Most of what I have is rumor. Heard Krypke was planning a big prank on Howard. I didn't even know what it was about until after that space toilet thing went missing."

"So he stole it?" I quizzed her.

She shook her head no. "Someone got to it before he could. He had a temper tantrum about it all. Shocked that it didn't bust into your bubble of obliviousness, Dumbass." Her eyes shot to me. "It was that big." Leslie looked back to Sheldon. "Anyway, that's about all I know."

"Who do you think took it?" Sheldon asked.

"Haven't a clue," she replied. "Lately I've been up to my eyeballs with my own work."

How I managed to get Sheldon out of that lab before he could insult Leslie or her work, I'll never know.

We ended up going over to his office. I used his computer to find out whether or not Howard had used any credit cards, took money out of his bank or tried to leave the country. After having no luck with that, I went on with checking hotels and hostiles. I found him checked into the Pasadena Hilton under his mother's name. Choosing a few select curse words and hoping it wasn't actually his mother at that hotel, I told Sheldon what I had discovered.

"I seriously doubt that it's his mother," Sheldon murmured, watching me as I went over to the door. "Does that hotel have a bar with a happy hour that provides free food?"

"More than likely," I replied.

"Check out the bar first," he told me. "And, Penny?"

"Yes?" I drawled.

"You're on the clock. So no drinking alcohol, understood?"

"Even I couldn't miss that one, moonpie," I muttered, leaving before he complained that only his Meemaw could call him as much.

As happy hours tended to start much later than it was at that moment, I checked out the continental breakfast area. Bernadette and Howard were sitting side by side, giving each other Eskimo kisses.

Damn, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth recalling that.

Anyway, I went over, sitting in front of them at their table. The two of them looked at me in amazement.

"Didn't think I could find you?" I asked.

"No, I just never knew that you woke up before eleven," Howard answered.

"Yeah, Sheldon got a bug in his bonnet," I replied. "You two need to come with me."

"Why?" Howard demanded. "Give me one good reason."

"Just one?" I asked, to which they nodded. "Barry Krypke is either seriously injured or dead and chances are you two are next on that list…"

Hopping up to his feet Howard stated, "You had me at seriously injured. Let's go with her, Bernadette."

"Let me get a coffee to go first," I told them. "I'll get you out of here and hopefully to a safe house soon."

...

Standing in the middle of Leonard and Sheldon's apartment, Howard exclaimed, "How is this a safe house? I come here all the time and frankly if you want to get technical, it's not even a house!"

"Yeah, I keep pushing for a safe house and Sheldon keeps telling me that there isn't a budget for one. So take it up with him," I replied and proceeded to lock him in.

Bernadette was at 4B waiting for me. "Where's Howie?"

"The safe house," I replied. "And with any luck he'll not test the safety measures that Sheldon installed."

"Will it hurt him?" she asked with concern.

"Oh yeah," I replied, setting up the coffee. "Hurt like crazy. But if it means a thing, I seriously doubt it'll kill him." I paused while pouring the water into the machine and muttered, "I hope."

**TBC…**

**…**

**And that's another chapter out to you all! Thank you for reading (please review) and I hope you have a winsome day.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer—I do not own The Big Bang Theory or any of its characters. Nor do I make any money from the posting of this fanfiction.**

**Here's the next chapter on our tour! Hope you guys like it. Review to let me know what you think.**

**…**

**Chapter Four**

Sheldon arrived home at the expected time and let himself into the apartment just in time to see Howard trying to break open one of the windows with a paperweight. I don't think this would have bothered Sheldon much if it hadn't been his TARDIS in the other man's hands about to make impact on what essentially was bullet proof glass. Sheldon's screaming had me rushing over and taking the TARDIS from the man attempting his escape.

"If you broke this, I'd have to break you," I said coolly. "I thought you were smarter than to mess with Sheldon's things." Taking it over to Sheldon, I handed it over. "See? It's fine." Putting it in his hands, the reed thin man pressed it protectively to his chest with both arms wrapped around it.

Yeah, I thought, it was moments like this I wish I could just pop a client in the nose. Howard had it coming.

"I'm checking everything!" Sheldon declared, rushing out. "EVERYTHING!"

I flinched at that. Damn, Howard just had to be an asshole. I went over to him, slamming him down into the chair next to him. "If I can't get him out of this funk, you won't have to worry about having kids…"

"Really?" Bernadette asked, actually sounding happy about that. "What can you do to solve that problem?"

"Castrate him," I told her. "Still interested?"

"Uh, no," she breathed, as she shrank back in her seat.

"He was in my room! My room! No one goes into my room!" Sheldon exclaimed, walking out of his bedroom and was now clutching more things to his chest.

"Sweetie…"

"My room, Penny!"

"I know, sweetie," I cooed. "And I am so sorry he got into there. I thought he would know better than to do that." I walked Sheldon over to his spot, sitting him down. "As upset as you are, you need to calm down and question them. We need to find out the truth. Give me your things and I will stand guard over them while you grill them…"

"Eating other humans is not recommended," he breathed, as I took his things from him. "For various reasons, not the least of which is the fact it's illegal."

"I know. You told me all about it before when I said to grill a suspect. It means to question them in an intense manner or way," I told him. "Would you like a Yahoo or a water?"

"A bottle of water, please," he said, looking over to Howard with his eyes narrowed. Under normal circumstances, I have to say would have felt sorry for the fool of an engineer. But really, when you think of it, he did only have himself to blame. "Why did you hire me?"

I put back Sheldon's things, hopefully all in the correct locations, because I knew I wouldn't hear the end of it if that wasn't the case. I locked up the bedroom, joining them again in the living room. Howard was crying. Yes, my boss the whackadoodle, could reduce a grown man to tears. It's a power he doesn't pull out often, but when he does—watch out!

"I swear! I didn't have anything to do with the robbery!" Howard sobbed. "I may have needed the money, but I'm telling you, I don't need it so badly as to wreck my career or life over it!"

I walked over to Howard, handing him a box of tissues and left a small trash can near his feet. The theoretical physicist next to him would have had puppies if he hadn't a place to toss out the used snot rags.

"Besides," Bernadette said, blushing. "With my thesis just being accepted and having earned my Ph.D., I don't have to worry about money at all. I'm rolling in very high priced job offers. It's just a matter of figuring out which one."

"Why would that matter to Howard?" I inquired absently. When they all looked over to me, I added, "If he just met you, for that matter, you seem rather close." Bernadette and Howard both blushed.

"Well…" she said, but couldn't get more out than that.

"I may have lied about just how long we've known each other," Howard admitted quietly.

"You never said how long exactly," Sheldon murmured. "How long would that be?"

"Just over a year," he muttered. "Maybe more."

I looked to both of them, sitting next to each other. Her hand clutched in his. And then it hit me. They were a couple. Not just a couple, but a couple on the verge of taking the vows.

"When's the wedding?" I inquired.

"They are not getting married!" Sheldon exclaimed. "He would have mentioned it before now." He looked to Howard. "Tell her."

"The plan was to get hitched before I went off to the space station to install the new toilet," he murmured, his face going red.

"Does anyone else know?" Sheldon asked, sounding like a hurt little boy.

"Uh, Leonard and Raj," Howard answered. "Leonard because he gave me noogies until I told him a month ago and Rajesh because he just sort of already knew."

I used this awkward silence to hand Sheldon his water. Leaning down I breathed, "I wasn't told either." He looked at me sharply. "Which is weird, as I know both of them. Something's going on here. I don't get what."

He furrowed his brow in thought, as he sipped on his water. "Very true, Penelope. There is something more, I think." He looked directly to Bernadette. "Made any new friends lately? Say a neurobiologist?"

Gasping she said, "How did you know?"

"Who?"

"Her name is Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler," she admitted. "We met as a part of a study she was making on smoking monkeys." She flushed looking over to me explaining, "It was another side job."

"You know for a woman that is rolling in potential money, you seem really concerned with your debt," I commented.

"My mom gives me guilt every time she gets the chance. It's the Catholic in her," Bernadette said on a sigh. "And I figure the more debt I have paid off before Howie and me get married the better."

"First of all, that's what mothers are for," Sheldon stated with a resigned voice, more than likely thinking of his own mother. "And second, why wasn't I told about the wedding?"

I put my hand on his shoulder, telling him, "Find the space toilet thingy and then ask about why you weren't told. You are getting paid to do the finding. Let's stick to the priorities, shall we?"

He nodded to this, but I could tell he was hurt. Chances were that "Soft Kitty" was going to be sung tonight and it was going to be me doing the singing. Damn.

...

Once we were able to drop Bernadette and Howard off at his mother's house, we took the long way back over to the apartment. I was deep in thought when I caught sight of the same car that had been following me the night before.

"We have someone following us," I told him.

"Seeing as you are in the lead in a large pack of cars…"

"I meant that someone is specifically following only us," I snapped. "For a genius you are really slow on the uptake sometimes." When he glared at me, I said, "You are way too literal."

I drove around aimlessly and finally stopped to buy a coffee at Starbucks on Colorado. Handing him a hot chocolate, we sat at an outdoor table, watching the traffic going by. The little ugly car that had seen better days, came to a stop just behind my car on the street. A plain woman in clothes better suited to a woman three times her age and glasses that seemed to nearly cover her face came over to our table.

"Doctor Cooper," she said, her inflection free voice giving me the creeps. Turning to look at me, her eyes softened a bit and said, "Penny."

"Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler," Sheldon said coolly. "To what do we owe this honor? It's not as if we are smoking monkeys."

She flushed at his words saying, "Alright, I confess! I've been making a social study on the interactions within your pier group."

"Huh?" I looked to Sheldon.

Rolling his eyes in exasperation, he said, "She's been studying us and our friends, seeing how we interact with each other."

"Oh, okay." I grinned at him. "Thank you, sweetie." I looked over to her and asked bluntly, "So did you steal the space toilet flusher thingy?"

Frowning she said, "I have no reason to do so. Despite making my study more exciting than a Mexican soap opera, I didn't have a thing to do with the theft. But I have a good idea who might want…"

Shots rang out. I tackled Sheldon to the ground, covering him with my body as I saw a rental car taking off like a bullet. Well, a bullet in really bad traffic. Pulling out my cell phone I dialed 911 and reported the shooting, even giving the license plate of the car.

"Are you okay?" I asked Sheldon. He was looking at the woman who had been at the table with us in horror.

I looked over and saw that she was bleeding. Seeing as she wasn't blinking, chances were she was dead. But even so, I didn't know what horrified Sheldon more—her death, the fact she was bleeding freely, or that I was still pinning him to the ground that hadn't seen a broom in some time. Yeah, I was almost sure to have to sing "Soft Kitty" to him that night.

The ambulance arrived in a timely fashion and we discovered that Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler wasn't dead. Yes, I should have checked for a pulse, but I'm telling you I had my hands full just trying to deal with Sheldon! We were questioned by the police and were told to stay in town.

Once back in the car, I said, "I have some questions."

"Commence," he murmured.

"Where's the space toilet flusher? Who would benefit the most from its theft? Who injured and/or killed Krypke? And is it the same person that just shot Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler? Did someone other than Bernadette know about the social experiment going on within our pier group? Just how did Raj know about them getting engaged to be married before everyone else? And do I really have to sing you 'Soft Kitty' tonight?"

He waited a moment. "Done?"

"So far."

Clearing his throat, he admitted, "I only have a firm answer on one of the questions stated."

"Which is?"

"Emotional trauma is a type of illness. So yes, you do have to sing me 'Soft Kitty' tonight."

With nothing really good to say, I muttered the only thing left to me. "Frak."

**TBC…**

**…**

**Another chapter is completed and to your door. Thank you for reading, reviewing and following/faroriting. That means ever so much to me. Hope you all have a resplendent day.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer—I do not own The Big Bang Theory or any of its characters. Nor do I make any money from the posting of this fanfiction.**

**Here's another chapter coming your way! Please read and review.**

**…**

**Chapter Five**

I thought of a new question! And seeing as it was "Anything can happen Thursday" I pretty much could ask Sheldon during dinner. Unless of course he decides that the "anything" truly just means the food and nothing else. And chances were good that we were having pizza, as it was a Thursday. So much for anything goes, huh?

Walking into the apartment, I looked over Sheldon's shoulder to see what he was doing on his laptop. Billing, I thought absently, as I went over to his place on the sofa and sat down. Typically, I took care of billing, but seeing as it was a new, rather important client, Sheldon took care of it. In situations like that, he wasn't taking any chances of a typo of any sort.

"Who's picking up the pizza?" I asked of him once I saw he was done sending off the e-mail.

"Leonard," he muttered, looking over to me. "You're in my spot."

I only arched my brows and told him, "I need to be paid."

His eyes went flat and said, "We'll be paid greatly by the end of the week. I'll be able to compensate you at that time. Satisfied?"

"Far from it," I stated dryly. "But nothing I can't live with until after this case is over and you deem to join me in my bed..."

Leonard stumbled at my words, calling our attention to him. He looked over at me dumbfounded, eyes glazed over in shock. In truth, we didn't tell many people about us, but then we didn't keep it a state secret either. Leonard had moved on from our one time relationship. So why he should be shocked that I did as well was beyond me.

"Take care, Leonard," Sheldon scolded him, taking the pizza we would be sharing from him and putting it on the kitchen island. "Oh dear. It would seem we're out of paper towels."

Frowning I peered at Sheldon, seeing him twitch at those words. Little did he know that I could see the paper towels on the counter directly behind him. Wanting, dare I say it, almost needing to roll my eyes hit me as I asked him, "Would you like to speak to Leonard by yourself?"

Twitch. "Yes."

"Then why don't you try asking me to leave you for a time so you can?"

"Penelope, I wish to speak to Leonard for five minutes by ourselves. Please leave and come back at that time."

"See?" I asked him. "That wasn't so hard, was it?" I took up a plate and a piece of pizza. "I'll be back in five. Be good while I'm gone."

The door no sooner shut behind me when I heard yelling. I hadn't a clue what was said, but I knew it was Sheldon doing the yelling. Worrying my lower lip, I wondered what it could be. You see, Sheldon doesn't yell. He hates fights and yelling. It makes him even more neurotic than he normally is. It has something to do with how he grew up and how his dad was an alcoholic. From what he told me, his father was a mean drunk and took it out on the entire family. I looked at my watch, three more minutes to go.

A shout of pain had me glancing at the door, as if I could see through it or something. That time it was Leonard, I was positive. But why would he be yelling in pain? Jeeze, why were they fighting? I snorted at that thought. What they do isn't so much fighting as it is slapping while looking away with their eyes shut. You know, a girl fight.

I chewed on my food carefully as I thought over why it could be that the two of them were at it. They had been roommates forever. They even had a roommate agreement that Sheldon drafted. He didn't start fights so much as debates over the violations of the agreement. I looked at my watch. Okay time to go back in, but did I want to? I looked at what was left of my slice. Oh yeah, I was going back in if only for the free food.

I stepped back into the apartment and saw the two of them glaring at each other as Leonard yelled, "Why do you think I care? I've already tapped that ass!"

Anger, embarrassment, and pain flooded me. I put down the plate, having lost my appetite. I didn't know what to say. What could be said at a time like that? What did I ever see in that whiny little turd? I walked over and was standing behind him, staring at him and just waited. Sheldon looked over to me, but he too said nothing.

"What…" Leonard turned and looked me in the eyes. "Penny, I can explain…" I stepped closer, making like I was going to kiss him and proceeded to knee him as hard as I could in the balls. "EEEEEHH…" The high pitched noise he made wasn't so much a groan or a scream or even a squeak. It was more of a combination of the three.

Clearing my throat, I asked, "That was in the detective associate's agreement, correct?"

"I do believe it was," he murmured. "Penny?"

"What?" I asked, my voice hollow.

"You have pizza sauce on your lip," he pointed out and stepped past the crumpled Leonard. "Allow me." Taking a napkin, he dabbed it off with care.

"I-I think I'll skip on the rest of the night," I whispered, walking to the door. Clearing my throat, I muttered, "I won't be singing anything this evening to anyone. Give me a call if there's more work to be done tonight."

"We can play Halo." I looked over to him. "It is Anything Can Happen Thursday."

Clearing my throat, I told him. "May be next time."

...

I went to bed. Sleep didn't come, but I lay there just staring at the ceiling. Mistakes, Lord knows I have more than my fair share, but it didn't mean I needed the constant reminders. I shut my eyes and could feel tears sliding down my cheeks.

I heard the door open with what had to be the emergency key. It shut just as quietly. There was a noise in the kitchen followed by foot steps coming to my bedroom door.

It opened. Sheldon was standing in silhouette in the doorway. Clearing his throat, he said, "You aren't drinking."

Sitting up, I said, "He isn't worth it." Turning on my bedside lamp, I asked, "Something come up with the case?"

"No." He went over and sat down next to me. "You've been crying."

"It's been known to happen." Turning to face him, I breathed, "Mind you the last time I admitted to doing so was when I broke my wrist during a rodeo competition." Sighing heavily I murmured, "It's one of our friends, isn't it?"

"The thief who is going around injuring people? More than likely yes." Tilting his head, he studied me. "Did it just occur to you?"

"It came to me when I thought of the fact that the car they used this afternoon for shooting Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler was a rental," I murmured. "Why?"

"Good question," he said. "Did you know Priya, Raj's sister, was back in town?"

I rolled my eyes. That was just what I needed. _Her_. Smart and beautiful, she made me feel like mud. But then it hit me. Priya was here. And wouldn't she need a rental car?

"You've had an epiphany?" he inquired.

"I think I have, but the question is did I have it because I dislike Priya or is it due to it being a logical conclusion?"

"And that, my dear lady, is what I am around for," he said. "Tell me."

I told him and his smile grew. "I knew there was a reason I kept you around."

"I'm right?" I asked, as I stood up.

"Yes." He stood up next to me. "Go clean up your face. We have suspects to round up."

I smiled at him, as I said, "Can you say it just once?"

He was annoyed now. "We haven't the time…"

"Just once? Please?" I crept closer to him. "Pretty please? With sugar on top?"

"Oh, okay!" He stood up straighter, looked down at me and said rather flatly I might add, "Go fix your face, darlin'. We have some bad guys to get."

"That was less than what I was hoping for." But I smiled, went to tip toe, and kissed his cheek. "Thanks."

Sheldon was still standing in the same spot I had left him to go over to the bathroom to fix my face with a wet wipe and newly applied makeup. I tilted my head, studying him for a moment.

"Have you made the phone calls you needed to make?"

Blinking out of his own thoughts, he murmured, "Yes, Penny."

I just waited for a time doing nothing. Taking a deep breath I stepped next to him, I slid my palm against his. Lacing my fingers with his, I murmured, "Got your back."

"As I have yours," he said, sounding more confident. "Let's get us some bad guys!"

I only smiled more broadly. Anything more would have him back in his shell.

I took a step to walk us over to the other apartment, but he pulled me to a stop. Turning to face him, I watched as he lifted our joined hands and kissed the back of mine tenderly. I released a little sigh.

"Oh honey, what you do to my heart," I whispered. And he gave me one of his oh so special, only for me smiles.

...

The FBI arrested both Priya and Leonard. Sheldon and I watched them as they interrogated the Indian woman and were getting no where fast.

"She's a lawyer," I muttered. "She can talk rings around you, Sheldon, let alone those poor saps."

"She's good," Sheldon said, handing me over a paper. "I'm better."

Reading the paper, a small smile came to my face. "That you are, Dr. Cooper. That you are."

**TBC…**

**…**

**And that's another chapter sent out to you! Thank you for reading, reviewing, and following/favoriting! I've been enjoying this and I hope you are too. Have a good one everybody!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer—I do not own The Big Bang Theory or any of its characters. Nor do I make any money from the posting of this fanfiction.**

**Here's the next chapter! Read! Challenge your friends to silly card game! Enjoy! Review!**

**…**

**Chapter Six**

Sheldon and I walked into the interrogation room. The tall Texan pulled out the chair for me. And as I made myself comfortable, Sheldon sat down to my left. Leonard looked on in amazement as to his gangly roommate's gentlemanly behavior. The stunned silence wasn't to last.

"What's going on here?" he demanded. "I've been arrested by the FBI! Come on guys! Enough is enough! Stop pretending to be private investigators and tell these guys it's a game!"

That had me looking over to Sheldon, who nodded. I looked back over to Leonard. "It's not a game and you should know as much by now given the fact that you had a hand in not only the theft of a three million dollar piece of equipment—which by the way was found under your bed—but the attempted murder of two people."

Leonard swallowed compulsively and muttered, "I had nothing to do with it." He started sweating. "You can't expect me to believe that you took on Howard as a client, even if anything you have to say about you two being detectives is true."

"Well, technically, Howard was a client," I murmured. "Technically. But, really our client was N.A.S.A." His eyes fairly bugged out at those words. "They had been experiencing multiple cases of industrial theft throughout different projects. They had asked us to keep an eye out over on Howard to make certain nothing happened there. When it did, it was just a matter of convincing Howard of 'allowing' us to be the ones to find the three million dollar flusher thingy."

"Thingy isn't the technical word," Sheldon complained.

"No it isn't, but seeing as we're nearly done with the case and I never bothered to learn the real name, I don't care," I replied. Turning back to Leonard, I asked him, "Do you know what I really love about the modern age we're in?"

"No, what?" he asked flatly.

"Just about everything you want to know is within reach thanks to the Internet," I said to him. "If you know how to look and if you have someone as brilliant as Sheldon, the information is right there for the grabbing." Sheldon held out a paper to me. I took it and read, "Priya works for the law firm of Jackson, Wilson and Beck. They work internationally out of several different countries, including India. No shock there, huh?" He shrugged, but said nothing. "One of the clients of her firm is Rap Yai Industrial out of New Deli." I handed the paper to Leonard. "In fact, it's her only client. Why am I pointing this out? Because it doesn't exist." I pointed to the paper. "The name of the company is a jumble of her own first name!" I looked to Sheldon. "Even I spotted that one."

He nodded to that and handed me another paper.

Leonard was shaking as he looked at the paper in his hands. "This proves…"

"It's a link," Sheldon said quietly. "One of many, I assure you. Now listen to Penny."

Leonard looked back over to me. "I get why she did it. The money. What I don't understand, and perhaps you can explain, is why you had a hand in it."

"I didn't…"

I stopped him, holding up my hand. "You were in the optimal spot to see every move by every person involved." I looked to Sheldon who nodded, making me smile. "I used the word optimal right. Cool." I shook that off and went on with, "You knew that Howard was dating Bernadette, you knew that he was going to be taking her on a tour of the school, and you knew that Barry Krypke had set it up so that Bernadette would have him out of his lab for more than enough time to hide the flusher."

"I did not!"

"Who do you think pointed out Bernadette to Krypke, Sheldon?" I inquired.

"Leonard." He took out a paper and put it in front of his roommate. "A copy of last month's phone bill. You made quite a few phone calls to a certain phone sex…"

He grabbed it up and squawked in protest, "I haven't even seen this bill yet! How…"

"I told you," I said to him. "If it's out there, Sheldon can find it." Leonard looked up at me, his eyes going hard. "You arranged for Krypke to hire Bernadette to keep Howard out of the lab. You knew when Krypke was going to take the flusher and you beat him to the punch."

"I-I…" I handed him the paper I had. Taking it, he groaned.

"You know for a thief to use his own security card to get into a highly monitored lab to steal something isn't the brightest thing to do," I murmured. "Twenty minutes after Howard left and fifteen before Krypke swiped in to find it already missing, we have you checking in." Not only was there a time and location on the paper, but a picture of Leonard swiping in.

Leonard crushed the paper in his hands, anger dancing over his face.

"Krypke became angry when he discovered that flusher missing," I went on. "Really angry. He thought that Bernadette had betrayed him, but then he thought of you. You had suggested Bernadette, as a diversion after all. You even knew his plan, as he may had inadvertently revealed some of it to you. And that's when he became a very big liability for you." I looked up at a monitor that came to life above the table, revealing a bruised and battered Barry Krypke in another interview room, telling them everything he knew about Leonard's involvement in the theft of the space flusher and ultimately how he proceeded to beat the crap out of him.

"He went mad!" Barry exclaimed. "It was tewefying!"

I looked back to Leonard. He yanked his own glasses off, his knuckles going white with how hard of fists he was making.

"Was it the money?" I asked. "Or was it the promise of something more with Priya?" Sheldon put his hand on my arm. Blinking, I murmured, "I got ahead! Sorry, sweetie." He nodded and handed me another piece of paper. "He hates it when I diverge from the plan of attack." I smiled and inquired, "Now where was I?"

"Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler," Sheldon murmured.

"Yeah! Thanks," I replied. "What you didn't count on was Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler. For what reason I have yet to understand, she was doing a social observations of our group. Which in short means you had someone making acute observations and recordings of what you and Priya were up to. She was an unknown and it scared Priya, didn't it?"

"Uh…No…Well…No…She…she…" Leonard stammered, but couldn't get anything out.

"Leonard, you can't hit the broad side of a barn with an elephant rifle." He broke his glasses at my words. "She was the one to do the shooting, but you were driving that car, weren't you?"

Sheldon passed me a cotton swab within a test tube. I pulled it out and went over to Leonard, swabbing his nose quickly and put it back into the tube of liquid. I shook it, turning the liquid pink.

I held it out to Leonard. "Congratulations! You're positive."

"You have just tested positive for inhalation of gun powder," Sheldon explained to the man across from him. "Test two, Penny." I snapped right by his right ear and he didn't flinch. I did it by his left and he turned towards it.

"You need your hearing tested," I told him. "Sometimes when a gun is fired within a closed up area, like a car, and the people there don't protect their ears, they can cause damage to the hearing." I sat back down across from him. "With any luck it's temporary. It never pays to have poor hearing in prison."

"That proves…that proves…" Leonard stammered, but said nothing more.

"Now can I ask?" I inquired of Sheldon, who nodded. I looked back to Leonard. "Why did you do it? It wasn't for the money, was it?"

"Partly," he admitted in a soft voice, sounding resigned. "Mostly I did it to…to get Sheldon to confess that all this detective bullshit was a game to him." He pursed his lips, glaring at the man next to me. "This can't be real! He's a theoretical physicist, not Sherlock Holmes!"

"At first, I must tell you it was mostly a hobby," Sheldon said. "I had become stuck once more and I needed to do something to untangle it. Penny had suggested a puzzle. But it had been either too simple a task or just too uninspiring in nature."

"But then it happened," I said. "Our first client."

"We aren't allowed to speak of them," hissed Sheldon.

"I could say just that much," I told him. "I made sure."

"Oh, okay." He relaxed at that.

"I drove him around, helped out where I could, and was his bodyguard. Then I got paid doing it? Bonus!"

Clenching his teeth he muttered, "When did you start sleeping with him?"

"Right after that first case," I answered, making Leonard's eye twitch. "What can I say? He's the brain, I'm the body—sooner or later they're going to join up."

"Lovely analogy," Sheldon whispered.

"Thank you, sweetie." I looked to Leonard. "Priya shot her, didn't she?"

"Yes," he hissed.

"And she was going to pay you for your part?" I went on.

"Yes, tonight," he muttered. "What does he have that I don't?" he demanded.

"Not now," Sheldon told him. "We need the answers first."

"Tonight?" I thought that over. "Where?"

"On a date," he said. "Why? Jealous?"

"No. Curious," I admitted. "Where was this date going to be?"

"I don't know. She said it was going to be a surprise."

Leaning over to Sheldon, I breathed, "I wonder just how surprised he would be."

Frowning he murmured, "Meaning?"

"She had the gun in her possession, right?"

Sitting up straight, he replied, "Correct." He looked to Leonard. "She was going to kill you!"

Leonard looked from him to me. "That's a lie!"

"You are her loose end!" I told him. "To her, you're expendable as any other in her way. And you've seen what she does when that happens, right?"

He was sweating again. "Shit." He swallowed hard. "Shit!"

Sheldon handed a paper and a pen to Leonard. "Write it all out and perhaps you might just get a few years less."

Leonard scribbled madly and handed the paper over to Sheldon. Looking back over to me, he asked, "Why Sheldon? He-he's not even human!"

"Oh trust me," I said standing. "He's very human and in all the right ways." I looked over to a blushing Sheldon. "Pardon me, sweetie. I'm going to be a little crude here in a moment or two."

He nodded.

I looked over to Leonard. "The difficulty in starting a relationship with a man with as high of an I.Q. as Sheldon is that women don't know to take the time to engage his most complex sexual organ correctly—and by this I mean his mind." Leonard looked at me in shock. "It's true. The first time I read him 'Grey's Anatomy' he went off like a rocket!"

What I didn't tell Leonard was that I had been nude at the time and Sheldon was tied to my bed. Yeah, none of his business.

"Just one last thing before we go…" I leaned down and whispered into Leonard's ear, "You may have tapped this ass, but Sheldon will continue to do so better than you ever could." Standing up, I looked down at the bloodless face of the man I had once thought I cared for. "When you're in jail, you might want to work on those 'Mommy issues' of yours." I waved and walked out of the room.

I watched from the doorway, as Sheldon just stared at him for a time. "Your faith in my abilities as a man underwhelm me."

"She was mine…" Leonard choked out.

"Was," Sheldon repeated. "Was yours." Picking up the last of his papers, he added, "Now she's _mine_. Goodbye, Leonard."

**TBC…**

**…**

**Well, just the epilogue to go and our journey is complete. Thanks for reading. Please take the time to review! Now run along and read the epilogue already!**


	7. Epilogue

**Disclaimer—I do not own The Big Bang Theory or any of its characters. Nor do I make any money from the posting of this fanfiction.**

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**…**

**Epilogue**

It had taken no time at all for Priya Koothrappali to crumble once it became apparent that between the evidence and Leonard's confession she was toast. The list of charges were staggering to say the least. The two of them would not see freedom until both were too old to care.

As sad as that was for them, the one I felt for was Raj. After it had all been explained to him what had happened and how his sister was involved, he nearly left the country in shame. Between Howard, Bernadette, Sheldon and myself we were able to convince him to stay here in the States.

Howard had been upset when he had found out that he had just been made a punk by just about everyone involved, including his own fiancée. He was easily talked out of his sour mood and reminded by Bernadette that he had bigger things to fret over.

"Like what?" he asked.

"Like paying off Sheldon," she reminded him. "Just what do you owe him anyway?"

"Just a couple of hundred, right?" he asked, looking over to me.

I snorted. "Wrong!" I handed him the bill that I had just printed up, causing him to choke. "I tried to warn you."

"Fifty five hundred dollars?!" He looked at us. "Please tell me this is a joke!"

"I'm not laughing," I replied, looking to Sheldon.

"Nor am I," he said, looking at Howard. "But seeing as we are friends, I don't see a reason why we can't give him a discount."

"The bill I gave him was with the discount," I muttered. "I'm not wasting paper."

"I can't pay you all at once," Howard muttered. "Between student loans, living expenses, and the upcoming wedding I'm broke."

"One hundred a week should suffice," Sheldon told him. "Agreed?"

"Sure!" he exclaimed, just as there was a knocking on the door.

I went over and answered it, taking an envelope from the delivery person and signing for it. The package was to Sheldon Cooper Investigations. I opened it according to the standard protocol none of which anyone has any interest in hearing about and found a letter and check within.

Going over to Sheldon, I murmured, "Got it." I handed him both the letter and the check. "They included a bonus."

"Excellent," Sheldon replied, looking at the check.

Howard caught sight of it as well as who it was from. His shock and awe to these things was nothing compared to how much it was made out for.

"Holy Hannah! That's for five million dollars!" he screamed.

"Yes, it is," Sheldon agreed and I was left only to nod. After all, I couldn't argue with the truth.

"N.A.S.A. paid you five million dollars for finding a flusher only worth three million?" Raj asked, sounding confused.

"No, they paid us for not only finding the flusher, but to find the team of individuals who were sabotaging different builds around the world," Sheldon explained to them. "Three million dollars for that."

"With a two million dollar bonus for the inclusion of finding not only the flusher but several other missing pieces of very expensive equipment," I added. "You didn't think he was only doing this for just over five large, do you?" I shook my head no. "He's the most exclusive private detective there is, Howard. You don't get that way by selling cheap." I looked over to Sheldon. "I need my check so I can take care of paying off my bills."

"No shoe shopping," Sheldon ordered.

"You know I always take care of my bills first. But I'm telling you if I'm getting paid what you owe me, I'm buying shoes!" I exclaimed.

Rolling his eyes, he said, "I am in need of a new roommate." I calmed down at this, looking over to him. "If I extend this offer to you, despite you not even knowing what a Noble gas is, will you consider it?"

"Depends," I replied. "I require that P.D.A.s will be more frequent."

Sighing dramatically. "If they must."

"I'm not suggesting that we post them on the Internet!" I told him laughing.

Two blooms of color filled his cheeks. "Very good."

"You know the reason I need high heels, right?" He just frowned at me. "Sheldon, how the heck else am I going to be at the right height to kiss you properly?" I went over to him, pressing my lips to his in a soft little kiss.

Before I knew what was what, Sheldon swung me around in a dip and had that innocent little kiss much further. I could hear choking and astonished gasps nearby. I had forgotten that they were there and I didn't much care that they were. Sheldon pulled back slightly, peppering my jaw and neck with small pecks.

"Let's take a trip," Sheldon suggested against my skin. "How about Bakersfield?"

"Is it work related?" I breathed.

"No."

"Then that's fine by me," I sighed, as he pulled me back to my feet. "Train?"

"Most definitely," he murmured, going off to make the arrangements. "Don't forget the book."

"Oh I won't," I said dreamily, turning to leave and get ready.

"Bakersfield!" Howard snapped. "Out of all the places in the world why Bakersfield?"

"Yeah, given the fact that we're never going to leave the room, any place else would be a waste," I replied with a happy little bounce in my step.

I was just about out of the apartment when I heard Howard asking, "Why are you so happy?"

Turning I saw Raj smiling to himself. "There really is someone for everyone out there, isn't there?" His smile got even bigger. "There's hope for me yet!"

**The End**

**…**

**Thank you one and all! Reposting this has been so much fun and I hope you had as much of a blast out of this as I did. Thanks again and I wish you all well until we meet again. Until later! ****_Chao!_**


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